By: Melissa MacDonald

Look! I’m actually alive and writing again! Think of how lucky you are to be the dumping ground for whatever my heavily (-not)-medicated mind thinks up! Exclamation point! As George Carlin once put it, you fantastic readers are getting, ahem… “Brain Droppings”, and yet you still clicked on this article. My sponsors can’t thank you enough!

Now today’s topic (as chosen by random brain-lottery) is:

Sporks

Spoon-forks

Foons  (not enough love for this version in the world)

The interesting invention that combines the pointy, stabby ends of the fork with the scoopy-ness of the spoon for greater ease of eating a variety of foods at once.  They say necessity is the mother of invention (MacGyver is the father); what necessity spawned this Frankenstein utensil? Some poor sap who wanted to have ice cream and cake at the same time? Or was it a measure in cutting down on our use of plastic spoons and forks by combining them in one all-encompassing thingamabob? (Possible enviro-bonus here) Whatever the reason, this mysterious fifth Beatle of eating tools has captured my attention, obviously.

They’re an oddity, but not a staple; more of a quirky nuance of greasy-spoon diners than something everyone has at home. Those of you how feel the need to include one in your repertoire, no need to despair! The internet has given me notice of a pure titanium spork for sale. You read that right: PURE

TITANIUM

SPORK

(Insert flames, tigers, and other awesome stuff here)

For any of you that eat things in the middle of a volcanic crater or whilst fighting zombies, this is the utensil for you! This Spork is not for the weak of heart (or stomach for that matter); you’ll be eating molten rocks with this thing in no time (and never again after that!)  For a price, you could have the most rugged eating tool on the face of Earth in the palm of your hand like a scepter for only the worthiest knight of foodstuffs. Riding your steed into the midst of battle with tofu, you wield the almighty titanium spork of ultimate power to show you mean business, and the fact you can fling peas with a temperature up to 3034°F! If you want to show spoon who’s boss, this is the most radical hunk of metal for you!