Brooke’s Helpful Essay Tips

Brooke Padgett, Sr. High Staff Contributor
September 30, 2022

You take an English class (if you don’t please contact your guidance counselor because the New York Education system says you need one). Are you good at this English class? No. Can you write an essay that isn’t absolutely horrible and makes your English teacher wanna cry, puke, and quit? No. But stop crying (it aint cute), even though you are so bad at writing essays that puppies curl into a ball when they get a whiff of your paper, I can help.

WELCOME TO BROOKE’S HELPFUL ESSAY TIPS

Tip One: Outline

Remember in middle school when your teachers would squawk from the top of their lungs about how you need to make an outline?

Well… they are right.

You don’t need an eloquent outline that looks like the Declaration of Independence.

But you need to get your mind organized because your word vomit printed out is almost as ugly as your dog.

Your outline can be as simple as just a few words about what your body paragraphs are gonna be about.

Or just the main idea of each paragraph with the page numbers of the evidence your gonna use

It can be written by hand, or online, or on the back of your McDonald’s cup.

Just put your word soup onto something that’s not inside your empty skull.

Tip Two: No Procrastination

You know what’s worse than your brain throwing up on your laptop keys in your attempt at ‘English’?

Your attempt at ‘English’ at 11:45 on a Wednesday night because your paper is due at 11:59 and you didn’t feel like working on it until the last minute possible.

If you’re stuck on a certain part, skip it and go back. No one said that you need to write your essay in order.

(But if you’re just procrastinating because you don’t feel like it, please work on yourself because procrastination will hurt you in the long run, you don’t wanna miss your wedding because you wanted to watch TikTok for five more minutes).

Tip Three: Thesis

Don’t be scared. A thesis statement are scary (not as scary as your grades at least)

They follow a simple format; Topic – Claim – Reasonings

Once you get a hang of it, they will become a piece of cake.

But if you ruin your thesis, that cake is gonna be made with salt instead of sugar.

(Also if you’re having trouble writing, looking back at your thesis and reminding yourself of your argument is very helpful).

Tip Four: Grammar

Are you a caveman? No, don’t dare say any smartie response. I will find your house and prove that it’s not a cave.

You don’t need the grammar of some famous Victorian author, but I don’t wanna struggle reading it.

Do the basics like capitalizing I, no run on sentences, USE AN OXFORD COMMA OR ELSE, remember the MLA format for citing (Authors name, 17). (PERIOD AT THE END)

Your grammar is important because if your essay isn’t readable, um that’s gonna be a big red F

Bringing us to my next point…

Tip Five: Edit

You are not Grammarly. You are not some special essay writing genius, or special at all.

You need to edit.

Sometimes the thing you wrote at 9pm after your basketball game and cry session just doesn’t make sense.

Or sometimes your sausage fingers misclick and instead of “I love Brooke’s amazing tips”, you type “I hate Brooke’s amazing tips”

And that needs to be changed.

Sometimes looking at your paper and reading it again the next day can help you make sure it makes sense not other people as well.

Or reading it out loud can help you make your sentences sound like English.

It’s a sad time now, it’s the end of my helpful tips. But don’t worry, you can reread them again and again!

And if you still fail your next essay,