Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. A company made a decision pertaining to the Christmas season that has stirred up controversy about a so-called “War on Christmas.” Well, it has happened again, folks. Yes, it seems that people are offended by this year’s Starbucks holiday themed cups. Many are saying that the cups are too “politically correct.” Because in a holiday where we celebrate a Middle Eastern Jewish man who is traditionally depicted as a white man with long hair, offending people is not allowed. The cups of the past had more Christ-oriented designs like snowflakes and reindeer, because Jesus was pals with Jack Frost and Rudolph. This year’s design is simply red and green, two colors that are apparently not associated with Christmas anymore. Who knew?

Many are protesting this by buying a Starbucks coffee and claiming their name is “Merry Christmas” so that the phrase has to appear on the cup.  This is by far the greatest protest of all time. Imagine if instead of protesting the Vietnam war, hippies enlisted in the army and then every time there was a casualty they sent President Johnson a dollar bill. That really would have taught him a lesson.

The main issue here is that Starbucks is trying not to offend anyone. People are so easily offended these days. It’s ridiculous. We can’t even call someone a boy or a girl without people losing their minds. Well, it seems that in Starbucks’ effort to not offend anyone, they have in fact offended many others. I hope you learn your lesson Starbucks.
Writer’s note: The preceding article was satirical in nature. Please do not take a single word of it to heart. The real offense here is that people care more about corporations not trying to offend people than they care about the fact that Christmas is inherently offensive. It’s a holiday that’s supposed to celebrate a man who some to believe to be the savior of the world and we’ve turned it into the greatest example of American capitalism and commercialism run wild, yet no one seems to care. Also the Starbucks cups are a really nice looking minimalist design, in my opinion.

What’s your opinion? Let us know below…